The Dance of Connection: How to Talk to Someone When You're Mad, Hurt, Scared, Frustrated, Insulted, Betrayed, or Desperate

Harriet Lerner has done it again with The Dance of Connection! Not only is it incredibly readable (as indicated by the amount of highlighting I've done), but it is abundantly practical and applicable. She provides a wealth of examples from her professional practice and in fact her own life, which I love. She doesn't create simplistic formulas for connecting, rather she share principles, enriched by her own deep wisdom and the outcomes that result when used effectively. But she is also willing to admit that her methods are not magic wands that will save every marriage or heal every relationship. Ultimately she makes it clear through her myriad of stories and examples that the dance of connection begins and ends with the connection we have with ourselves. Her advice is not about changing or fixing others. It is about understanding our own drives, motivations and fears. It is about reconnecting with a deep wisdom we almost all possess but often lose touch with. And it is about giving others the dignity and respect they deserve even when we've convinced ourselves they don't deserve it. I love this book and have already recommended it to others. It is a resource I will refer to again and again, savoring it each time. Thank you!!

Great book easy to read I highly recommend it recommend

Self improvement. 272 pages. 2002. This book discusses ways to help heal relationships between spouses, parents and children, friends, siblings, and significant others. Harriet Lerner uses real life examples of problems she has encountered during her own practice, and even those within her own family. These examples provide easy, real life problems that the reader can connect to. She discusses the importance of bringing up a problem from a place of respect rather than criticism, which is the key to being heard. She also stresses the importance of active listening - listening to hear the other person, rather than listening to respond or refute the other’s point. This book is very readable and relatable.

I am sure that every human being will find some tips how to reflect on their own communication style and find novel ideas. Great value!

Great insight into our lives. Harriet is a fantastic writer and writes to all regarding your family, friends, relationships, and the basis of how you were raised, and how your parents' upbringing influenced how you are today. This book is one you should read over and over again. There is too much to take in with one pass. She gets it! Everyone will take something from this book - read it again in a couple of months and I am sure you will get another little gem of (oh! That is so why I do ________ (fill in blanks)) This is a keeper, and I would recommend it as gifts for all the people you love - NOT to change them, but for a deeper understanding of who they are, who their parents, grandparents, relatives, etc. are. This is NOT really a self-help book, more of an insightful guide to human nature, with Aha! moments sprinkled in. Quick, easy read, hard to put down.

What I love about Harriet Lerner's books is that you really feel as if she has been there too. One doesn't get a sense of psychologist/therapist superiority which I find infuriating. This book is very practical and sensible - so many books with this sort of title might tell you about starting senses with "I" - you know "I feel bad when you do....." which is all very well but what about when you just lose it?? Harriet's books cut that crap and tell you how to deal with how YOU"RE feeling, not how the listener will. One of the most valuable tips I have learned anywhere was from this book. She says that one of the reasons we don't confront our mothers or older sisters or whoever is being vile to us is not to save ourselves getting upset (which is always my official excuse) but to save THEM getting upset. Enablers to the death. We feel responsible for hurting other people - shame they never do! That was real enlightenment! I'm on new book alert for Harriet Lerner!

Nothing new here if you've read her other books. I preferred Dance of Intimacy.

Easy read, informative... Triggers thoughts for self awareness and improved behavior patterns.

Of all the self-help books I have read, I can easily say that Harriet Lerner’s books are the most useful. She has a way of saying things that I think most people can relate to. But more than that is that she makes the changes that we need to make in ourselves seem possible and entirely worthwhile.

This book is spot on and explains a lot about emotions vs reactions. Recommended

I chose this rating because the book resonated with me and helped me understand better historical/family connections to my own behaviour, insecurities, strengths and failings. I think the book will be appreciated by people trying to understand complexities in life and relationships and is useful to men as well as women

😃👍

I loved the book. It is very insightful and easy to read. I am going to read it again. And again, and again.